tepidity | (no subject)

[ He's being a dick on purpose, but he's working it and can't really bring himself to care too much since Watabe has no choice but to pull up everything required for Kuroo's intentionally ridiculous and difficult order and concentrate on making it rather than finding an excuse to interrupt again. He'll feel bad about being out of line later. Maybe.

Kuroo places the bag on the table and slides it towards Nisaka, his grin more earnest and natural now. His mother constantly brought gifts back for her son but never without the joke that she forgot and bought something for Nisaka instead - her favourite son, since they've been friends so long that he's practically extended family to her. Often it was something practical, like something to keep him warm or something he could use on a day to day basis, contrasting completely with Kuroo's gifts of sweets or candies or ridiculous figures and plush characters. This time it's an edo furin, with the bowl painted delicately to resemble a sunrise. There's a postcard or two in there, too, both with scenes of misty mountains.

He doesn't say anything, because everything swirling around in his head is concentrated on the fact that.. well, honestly, Nisaka looks really good in an apron, and it's such a simple addition to how he normally looks that Kuroo is kind of embarrassed by how much it's staggered him. Not sexy or anything like that - he was kidding about loving men in uniforms, he can take it or leave it - but... grown up. Sophisticated. The hair tie doesn't help. Nisaka now physically looks like he's experienced a lot in the two months Kuroo was away, and he's made both proud and terrified by it. ]

[ it's hardly his first gift from kuroo's mother through the years, but each one is still treated as if it might as well be, as if he still can't quite fathom why she (or anyone outside of obligatory family members) would bother. there's an awed sort of reverence to the way nisaka delicately peeks into the bag, moving aside tissue paper and bubble wrap before finally drawing out the edo furin. it chimes softly as he cradles it in his hands, his large eyes only growing wider at the sight of it. ]

This is mine? [ his voice is hushed, as if the very decibel itself might somehow disrupt the wind chime. carefully, he turns it over, watching the paints shift like the colors of the sky itself. ]

I need to thank her... [ he grows quiet, already mentally mapping out his schedule the next few days. he'll have to do it in person, of course, and it's not simply because it allows him an opportunity to visit kuroo's home... though it admittedly is a perk of it. ]

[ Kuroo sits back in his chair, arms folded over his chest as he watches Nisaka peer into the bag so carefully, like he always does, no matter how simple or small the present might be. He would have thought Nisaka would be used to this kind of thing by now, but then Nisaka always seemed surprised when people other than the people apparently obligated to do so showed him any care.. It's as though he can't understand why they'd spend the energy doing so. It's probably why Kuroo's obvious and sometimes suffocating affection for him has never been called out or dis-encouraged before.

It's painfully cute, and Kuroo can't hide how endeared he is by it. He's smiling so much he has to hide it behind a hand. ]

She's at home all day today. What time do you finish?

[ his eyes slip up after a moment, gaze almost shy beneath the long fringes unable to be drawn back by his hairtie. there's a twinkling in kuroo's eyes that both excites and worries him. what's it for, is he the cause of it, he suddenly needs to know. ]

Noon.

[ his hands lightly squeeze around the glass, testing its strength. ]

You don't have plans today?

Nope. I went for my run already, and I want to let the team enjoy the last few days of freedom before I start working them to the bone.

[ He's watching Nisaka carefully, smile still present but slowly getting under control. It's been just as long since Nisaka was at his house, and Kuroo can't help but feel like it's missed his presence.. his scent, his warmth. Kuroo is used to it just being him and his mother, but it's a different kind of comfort entirely with Nisaka around. And this time, he promises himself, it'll be less tense.

Even if the way Nisaka gazes up softly through bangs that are just as soft threatens to make his heart stop. ]

She got me a bag of candy and this towel. [ He lifts the corner of the sweat rag around his neck, monogrammed with the name of some city to the far north. ] So clearly she's missed you.

[ unwillingly, the gesture only draws nisaka's gaze back to the sweat clinging to those arms, to those arms themselves, and the full expanse of skin made visible thanks to that ridiculous cut-off shirt... he hates how his eyes linger, how they're eager to drink the sight in.

endeavoring to push past it, he purses his lips to smother a smile and delicately replaces the glass ball into its bag. ]

She probably thought you'd crush something like this with your gorilla hands anyway. [ those nice... strong... hands... ]

I can stop by after work, then. So long as she doesn't mind her house smelling like coffee.

Gorilla hands... [ He holds up his hands, looking over his palms and then the backs. ] They're hardly gorilla hands. Panther paws, maybe.

[ He grins, spidering his fingers across the table and stopping when they're stretched across Nisaka's side. ]

You're just mad because your hands are dainty. Side by side mine do look kind of gorilla-ish.

[ He's only slightly implying that Nisaka should put his hands on the table with Kuroo's. Only slightly. Kuroo has pretty beaten up hands, pretty standard for a guy who plays sports, but Nisaka's pretty much nonexistent hobbies mean his are long and slender, soft in all the right places and generally pleasing to look at.. at least as far as Kuroo is concerned. ]

Nah. It's better than her house smelling like sweat.

[ nisaka frowns down at his own hands, unconsciously mimicking the other's actions and expression. he never thought his were particularly dainty; weaker, perhaps... smaller, too. but that's to be expected, when kuroo's now at least five inches taller than him.

he does end up putting a hand down, but it's curled into a fist that he lightly bops against kuroo's knuckles once, twice, then lingers. ]

Don't be angry all your aggressive training these past two months have turned you into the Hulk, [ he hums. he definitely does not glance at kuroo's arms again. ]

And I'm pretty sure your sweat's soaked into every piece of furniture in that house by now. Hard to remove.

[ Kuroo quickly jerks the hand Nisaka isn't pawing at upwards, catching him by the wrist so that he can bring their open palms together, testing the difference in size between their hands. Kuroo's fingers are a whole knuckle longer than Nisaka's, which somehow he hadn't really been expecting. They're not that far apart in age, and their height difference might be substantial but he never thought it'd manifest like this. He can't remember ever thinking their hands were so distinctly different before..

Nisaka's hands are warm, too. He wonders if that's from work or something else, and wonders too about the reason for the rabbit pulse he can feel in the fingers he has wrapped around Nisaka's wrist. He flickers his eyes over to the counter for a moment, automatically, as he tries to figure out the reason why. ]

There's nothing wrong with bulking out a little. [ He shrugs his shoulders, but it's more a flex than anything. He's terrible. ] And I don't roll across everything when I come back, you know. It's just everything in my room that's sweat stained beyond saving.

[ nisaka almost blanches at the sight of their hands, palm-to-palm like that. and it has nothing to do with the considerable size difference (though that in itself is both surprising and not) and instead entirely about the sudden proximity of their hands. he and kuroo have held hands before — linked to ensure they stick together in larger settings or long mazes — but there's something strangely intimate about them being palm-to-palm like this... his hand flexes, nearly curling against kuroo's. ]

Remind me not to sleep over at your place, [ he murmurs reflexively. only to pause and blush faintly at the lingering memory of that disastrous night.

he jerks his hand back, folding his arms around the gift bag. ]

I'll text you before I head over...

[ This is, if anything, the most normal thing Kuroo could have done. It's not unusual to see friends comparing hand-sizes, especially for sportsmen like Kuroo... but there's something more to this like there is with every should-be-normal thing he does by Nisaka's side. He's doing his best not to ruin it by thinking along lines he shouldn't stray down but.. it's hard when Nisaka's fingers twitch as if they're resisting some urge to curl or link with his, and Kuroo knows he shouldn't kid himself being hopeful but... he wants..

And then they're separated and for a moment Kuroo forgets to reel in his expression, leaving him looking child like and vulnerable with hope for a few moments before he snaps out of it and a grin slides back onto his face. ]

Too late, I already marked my territory all over your bed.

[ Holy shit! He was going for a cat joke!! The minute the words are out of his mouth he realises the unavoidable subtext and flushes from his neck to his hairline.

He stands up. ]

Sure, sure. I'll hang around town for you, there's some stuff I need to do.

[ He can't look at Nisaka, his attention determinedly on the counter where Watabe is just finishing up his ridiculous order. ]

Throw it in a to go cup.

[ He says as he approaches, knowing full well that it'll ruin his hard work in the latte art but not giving a single shit as he pulls a note out of his pocket and smacks it on the counter.]

[ kuroo stands and leaves before he can even see the look on nisaka's face, all wide-eyed and an odd mixture of pale and flushed. like his body can't decide on what reaction to settle on, he oscillates between shocked and flustered because, yes, his mind immediately went there and now he's wondering just what kuroo might have been doing all alone on his bed while he holed himself in that bathroom and—

no no, that's a dangerous line of thinking. he tries to snap himself out of it while kuroo stands and flees, stock-still in the booth until long after kuroo had actually left.

watabe rings him up cheerfully. casually forgetting the 5% discount. ]

[ Kuroo needs to find space to breathe and distance himself from what he just said more than anything else right now. The rational part of his mind is telling him that doing so will only make it worse as it'll leave Nisaka thinking of nothing but the subtext and that really he should have just played it up as a big joke, waggled his eyebrows and ran with it in order to not make things weird but.. Kuroo doesn't trust himself to pretend convincingly. He doesn't trust himself at all around Nisaka anymore. Hormones are doing him dirty and he can't quite shake the feeling that he's capable of breaking the friendship with something as simple as a slipped up word or mistaken comment.

He takes the cup, ignores both Watabe (who he's affectionately renaming with a curse word in his head) and the change, and walks toward the door.

Then he stops. He turns, looking back at Nisaka though it could very well kill him. ]

Text me, okay?

[ He'd already said he would but Kuroo needs to be sure he means it, that he won't get spooked out of doing so and just avoid mentioning it until Kuroo brings it up. He even manages to smile brightly before exiting and letting the door shut behind him.

He throws the cup into the trash can outside without taking even a sip, and then starts off down the street at a quick paced jog. ]

[ once again, they miss each other. nisaka turns too late, just barely catching kuroo slip out the doorway, wood and glass and concrete blocking him from seeing his expression, anything. the repeat promise that he will text him dies on his tongue, but it takes a while longer for his mouth to close, for the disappointment twisting up his insides to fade.

briefly, he catches eyes with watabe, who's staring at him with a strange expression, and nisaka decides he can't take anything anymore and twists back around in his seat to put his head down for a while.

he had known, he'd known, the moment he realized he was different, it would be a problem. he'd hoped his little crush on his best friend would fade in time, that it would maybe even transfer onto someone else, but he hardly helped himself by how desperately he tried to fill his time with the other. it hadn't been this difficult before, or maybe it always has and he's just weaker now... either way, something needed to be done, or he's going to fuck up and lose the best thing that's ever happened to him.

when noon comes, he stares at his phone for a long, long time. in the end, he knows what he has to do...

but he hates having to do it. ]

Hey.
Turns out I forgot I promised my dad I'd read his new manuscript after work today.
Tell your mom I said thanks, okay?
I'll try and see her soon.

[ he sends the text with a churning in his gut, already feeling sick about it. ]

[ Kuroo went for another run, distracted himself (or at least attempted to) by walking around a few stores without really taking anything in and ended up waiting across the street from the cafe trying to look busy for at least twenty minutes before Nisaka's shift was due to end. It'd be fine now, he's sure, after the air had cleared and they'd both focused on things other than Kuroo's embarrassing slip up.

He's of course gone through the preliminary freak out of being deeply concerned that his best friend might never want to talk to him again because he's revealed himself to be some kind of massive creep, has considered what might happen if Nisaka were to cut ties right now and start ghosting him from here on out, but hasn't got much further than that because a freak out in public is the absolute last thing he needs right now.

He's been refreshing their text thread every minute or so leading up to noon, and then for a few moments after. Nisaka must be getting ready to leave, he thinks, trying to ignore the knot resting heavily in his stomach.

When his phone finally vibrates, he stands up and looks at the cafe before he reads what the message says. Nisaka is nowhere to be seen, so he looks at his screen again, and the weight gets heavier and colder in his gut.

Shit. ]

she's in all day, you can come over afterwards?

[ He hates the way it makes him sound, but he's terrified of what Nisaka is trying to do. ]

it wont take you that long anyway, right? your dads stuff is always good

[ there had been a tiny bit of hope that kuroo would have accepted his weakass apology and leave it at that... but of course he knew better.

in the backroom of the cafe, nisaka leans his head heavily against the wall as he stares down at his phone, screen going dark from how long he's taking to respond. even long after the screen goes black, he can see kuroo's words run like a marquee in his mind. he can practically hear the disappointment and confusion in his voice...

this sucks. this sucks.

but it's necessary, right? it has to be done?

doesn't it???? ]

Yeah sure
I'll be there around dinnertime?

[ he groans out loud and knocks his head into the wall, teeth grit as he hits send. even when he's trying to be strong, he's weak. ]

[ Kuroo feels better, definitely relieved that Nisaka relented and is still coming over, but.. Nisaka has never been all that stubborn or difficult to talk into things. He always seems to just go with whatever is suggested, whatever is easiest, as though arguing or forcing his point would be too much effort.. So Kuroo can't be entirely relieved, because the smart part of him is piping up again and pointing out that Nisaka postponed their meeting for a reason, and the only reason that could be responsible is the one thing he's trying to avoid. Kuroo.

He swallows, and gives the cafe one last glance before turning to make his way home. ]

sure :) see you then

[He hates it, he hates it so much. He types something else, the beginning of a question he's afraid to ask just as much as he's afraid of the answer - are we okay, is this about me, do you want to forget it and try again tomorrow like nothing ever happened - but he knows that's a surefire way to fuck everything up and that Nisaka probably won't answer him anyway.. No, if he's going to ask something like that, it should wait until Nisaka is sitting in front of him. He owes him that much.]

[ nisaka does nothing for the rest of the afternoon. holes himself up in his room to avoid his father, not trusting himself not to be able to let the guilt slip from his expression over using the man for his own lie. he eats dinner in his room, though "eating" is pretty generous considering all he does is pick at his bowl. guilt, dread, anxiety — they all eat at him, making an appetite essentially nonexistent.

he shouldn't have agreed to visit after all. he should have just let it go, let the sands of time bury the awkward moment and hope that would be that. as usual.

but he has to wonder how many more of those days they can live through... how much longer until he finally breaks? this crush is going to kill their friendship, but nisaka would be damned before he lets that happen. he just needs to figure out once and for all how to stop it.

by the time the evening rolls around, he's dragging his feet all the way to the kuroo residence. he dawdles even in ringing the bell, stuffing his hands back into his pockets. he'd been hoping the walk over would have enlightened him, that he'd somehow stumble onto some epiphany under a street lamp. but how do you erase someone from your heart who's pretty much carved a home there? a part of him even wonders if it's possible... ]

[ His mom already knows there's something up, not only because she's his mom but also because Kuroo is a pretty horrific liar where his feelings are involved. He came home doing his best to stay positive and hopeful but a kid as outdoorsy and as sporty as him spending a good fifty percent of his day in his room staring vaguely at social media and barely moving is as telling a sign as any. Kuroo doesn't even need to try and make up some excuse when they sit down at the dinner table, and though she might not know exactly what the particulars are, she has a pretty decent idea. Especially after she gets back from the bakery with a dessert box.

Kuroo feels too sick to eat the cream cake she got for him, so he's sitting kind of aimlessly at the table listening to whatever his mom is listening to while she washes the dishes. He almost throws himself out of his chair at the sound of the door, and though the nerves that have been trying to turn his stomach inside out all day are still there he also feels a familiar kind of excitement that only strikes him when Nisaka is around. When he opens the door it's surprisingly easy to smile, softly, like he hadn't fucked up monumentally today and as though Nisaka probably wasn't here to tell Kuroo to back off before he breaks them. ]

Hey-

[ His mom interrupts him before he can say anything else. ]

You're late! You said dinnertime! [ She appears wearing a ridiculous apron and even more ridiculous gloves, elbowing her way into the doorway with a smile that can rival only her son's. She's holding out her arms because there's absolutely no arguing giving her a hug. ] It's been too long, Yuusuke-kun.

[ he's struck, at first, but the genuine happening that kuroo greets him with. the door had opened on him prepared to talk first, which almost never happens, but whatever words he had died on his tongue the second he sees his best friend's warm, welcoming smile, and he wonders how something so beautiful could make him feel so incredibly miserable. ]

H—

[ he doesn't even get a syllable out before the woman of the house demands his attention, eyes flickering towards the short matron somewhat dumbfoundedly.

oh right, he remembers. he's here for her.

his lips twist into a sheepish, apologetic smile. looking to kuroo briefly before stepping forward into the welcoming circle of her arms. ]

Sorry I'm late, Auntie, [ he murmurs, smiling briefly into her hair. he glances back up towards the other boy, unconsciously tightening his arms around his mother as he does so. ]

How are you...

[ Kuroo watches with a content expression, because Nisaka really is like part of the family and his mother often asks about him, tells Kuroo to hold off on being so insufferable so Nisaka will want to come over more often.. He smiles when they do, and when Nisaka meets his eyes his expression doesn't fall but his eyes definitely get softer. He doesn't seem like he never wants to speak to him again, he's brave enough to hope, so maybe this will all be okay after all. Maybe Nisaka hadn't put two and two together and guessed what a shitty best friend Kuroo has been for.. way too long now. Maybe it'll be something Kuroo can make an excuse for and then suffocate enough that things go back to normal, and he returns to being a safe place for Nisaka. He can only hope.

He's not going to pull out his usual 'where's my hug' comment, though. He's not brave enough for that just yet. ]

Can't complain. Have you eaten? We have leftovers. And cake too, since someone's afraid of getting fat.

[ Kuroo rolls his eyes, turning from the door while his mother ushers Nisaka inside. ]

And talking, apparently. [ She murmurs, eyes practically flashing as they snap from Nisaka to her own son. ]

[ if nisaka himself had noticed kuroo's strange silence or lack of his usual emphatic response, he doesn't indicate it. the slight strain at the corners of his small smile could be due to any number of reasons, after all.

he allows himself to be ushered in, letting his hands fall uselessly at his sides. he doesn't glance over his shoulder at the other boy, mostly because he doesn't trust himself to. ]

I'm not really hungry, [ he admits, which isn't really out of the usual. but once they'd in the house proper, he turns to the woman, fixing her a sincere smile. ]

Thank you for the edo furin, Auntie. It catches the breeze from my window just right.

[ Kuroo's mother has looked away from Kuroo's back as he wanders toward the kitchen to fix himself a glass of water, and is now pinning her seemingly unblinking eyes on the smaller of the two boys. She has a certain intensity around her similar to the one Kuroo emanates for the first few hours before he lets it slip what a total goober he can be. The difference is that his mother's intensity is concrete, and without a single crack in neither her attention or her inference it's difficult to not feel like prey under her gaze. She already knows something is up with Kuroo, but seeing that Nisaka didn't take any opportunity to tease him alongside her she's certain it goes much further than her son thinking himself into a rut. ]

I thought it might. [ She doesn't let any of her assumptions register on her face, though Nisaka should know her well enough by this point to not need visible evidence. ] I've never seen someone stare out a window for as long as you can. I thought it might be nice to give you something to look at for a change.

[ Her gentle teasing is made softer by the screwed up smile she gives him, but it quickly falls when she's surprised by an unexpected sound. ]

I helped her pick the design. She couldn't decide between that or one with painted leaves on it. I said you'd like that one better.

[ Because Kuroo knows Nisaka better. His mom can percieve as much as she likes, but it's Kuroo who studies his best friend and files all the insignificant things away in his mind just in case he might ever need them. It's Kuroo who could see inspiring hope in a sunrise, heat and the dawn of another day signalling freedom and new starts, adventures and excitement... where leaves made him think of jungles, of the thick shroud of leaves and of hiding away, unseen, secret.

There's cream at the corner of Kuroo's mouth, which he doesn't seem to have noticed but his mother reponds to it with a smack of her palm upside his head. She yells at him for not using a fork or a plate, for dipping his fingers in instead of committing and eating the whole thing and for some reason Kuroo's face has gone kind of red when he responds at a louder volume and says he still hasn't made room for the whole thing, that he'll eat it when he's ready. ]

Anyway, Ma.. Have you noticed Nisaka-chan's hair, huh? He's going to start plaiting it, I think. That or he's going to join a band.

[ Both of the Kuroo's eyes snap to Nisaka, one of them smiling kind of impishly and the other looking curious, as the man of the house uses his best friend as a way to get his mom off his case so he can scamper back to the table and dip a finger in the creamcake he's already been poking at. His mother gasps, reaching her hands up to Nisaka's hair, hands on both sides of his head and pulling the lengths of his bangs out at each side, marvelling at the length. ]

[ nisaka does, in fact, love the sunrise design. for all the reasons kuroo had been thinking, and then some. how the bright red captures the same shade as kuroo's favorite jersey, and the curve of the sun matches the boy's smile just right. a sunrise inspires hope, like kuroo does every time he gives nisaka's hand a reassuring squeeze.

when kuroo speaks, nisaka can't help but listen, can't help but look. and the surprise there is clear in his expression, too weak and vulnerable to be able to properly mask it.

he knew should've canceled. he should've pretended to be sick, or broken his leg, or something. he realizes all too belatedly that coming here had been a mistake, and now literally caught between the kuroo matron's hands, he can't escape.

he stumbles around his excuses — that he'd been too busy to tend to it all summer, that it wasn't really as much of a bother if he just tied it out of his face, that he'll get around to cutting it soon enough, promise — actually stuttering as his mind tries to catch up to the sudden shift in topic. his cheeks flush under the woman's fervent attention, but they had already been warming up well before that. ]

Actually, [ he says, voice pitching up a little as he scrambles to peel himself away from her too-keen eyes, ] some cake would be nice.

[ Kuroo looks around with a face covered in chocolate and cream, wiping it on his sleeve with haste once Nisaka speaks up. Both because of what had happened the last time he got cream on his face and the fact that if his mom catches him again she'll probably beat him to death with her shoe. ]

Too bad, s'all gone. [ He's lying, and makes it way too obvious with the way he hastily shuts the lid of the bakery box. Luckily for Nisaka, his mother is following their paths to the table and somehow already has plates in her hand which she dumps on the table before she pinches her sons side so he'll relinquish his hold on the spoils. Sulking, Kuroo sits, and opens the lid to reveal four different kinds of cakes, and the remains of the one Kuroo had been snacking on. His mom is clearly making up for lost time after spending months away from home, in a place where there weren't any home-style bakeries that even came close to Tanabe-san's. ]

Help yourself. [ She says to Nisaka, then sits herself, at the head of the table, right where she belongs. Then, without looking at her son but clearly talking to him, she continues: ] You didn't give Yuusuke-kun enough time to make up his mind. Just because he doesn't jump into things feet first like you do, doesn't mean he isn't interested.

[ It's a pretty innocent thing to say, but Kuroo's eyes widen and he glances from his mother to Nisaka like he's trying not to be noticed doing so, as a bright flush stains his cheeks. Clearly there's something she knows that Kuroo knows she knows, that they might have talked about in that weird way they do when they don't mention the thing exactly but both of them know what they're talking about. When he looks back at his mother, it's like he's silently yelling at her. Nisaka isn't stupid, all it would take is for him to make one stab in the dark and this could unravel, so Kuroo forcibly reigns himself in and settles on just shrugging. ]

Sorry. Thought you weren't hungry.

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i see what you did there...

kuroos mom knows all